Cyberwoman: Aftermath
by Kristin Ohman
Summary: Ianto has betrayed Torchwood and seen his girlfriend killed. Does he really recover as quickly as the show says or does his life take a darker turn on the road to recovery?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I am but a poor and humble addict and this is my vice. BBC owns Torchwood. I just play in there playground.

A/n: This is the first time I've posted anything in years. I told myself never again, but here I am. And in a new fandom of all things! This is the prologue of the story I'm writing for NaNoWriMo. While I know I won't make the word count, I'm currently at the halfway mark of the story. Oh, and only a few chapter here and there are in first person. Most of the story is in third. Enjoy!

Cyberwoman: Aftermath

Chapter 1: Cyberwoman Ianto's POV

I remember that day like it was yesterday. We were at the Hub. It always happens at the Hub. All the bad and the good. That night, it was of the bad variety. Everything damn bad thing happens to me because of bloody Torchwood.

But that's besides the point.

Though, in the end, that might actually be the point.

Lisa. My Lisa was made into that – that thing because of Torchwood. Torchwood owed it to her to make her whole again. To get her free of that cybernetic technology. With or without their knowledge if I have to.

Looking back at the beginning of my time in Torchwood, conning Jack for a job at the Cardiff base was almost too easy. All it took was some of my special coffee, some dinosaur chasing and a bit of flirting on the side. And once I was in, it didn't take but a few weeks to find a place to hide Lisa. Apparently, once you're in, you have free reign on the place. Hell, it was harder to sneak Lisa and her conversion/life support unit into the Hub than it was to get the damn job. But at least Lisa was alive.

But then that damn doctor came to look at her and suggest that we take her off life support. I swear that that was when the cyborg started to take over Lisa's mind. It wasn't until he came that she she started to drain the Hub's power. That was how they found her, you know. That was how they found out about me.

Damn Lisa. Damn Torchwood. Damn Gwen and her getting in the way. If she and Owen had just stayed out, had gotten out when they had the chance, Lisa wouldn't have tried to convert her. And Jack wouldn't have found out about me.

I remember thinking that if was a relief, a load off my shoulders, when Jack figured out why I kept saying that I was sorry to Gwen. I didn't hold it against him when he pulled his gun on me. When he told Gwen that he 'Was resisting the urge to shoot.' I was getting tired of all the lies, of all the hiding.

But I couldn't let him just kill Lisa, not without a fight. She was all I had; all I needed in order to survive. I wasn't going to let him take her from me. Couldn't he see? Couldn't he understand what Torchwood owed her? Owed me?

Jack tried to get me to see reason. I know that he was telling me the truth about Lisa know. At the time, however, I couldn't listen. Even when she electrocuted me. I know that I died that day; same as I know that Jack brought me back. I sometimes wish that he had left me alone and not kissed me. There are days where I resent him for that. There are day where I love him for that. And there are days where I wish I was as dead on the outside and I am on the inside.

Time gets blurry after that, as though I have tried to forget but can't. I remember yelling at Jack, of fighting him and the other, of taking the Lift to the Plass. I remember how good it felt to punch Jack. I remember him and Tosh talking and Tosh saying that the seal would unlock soon. And then I ran. Ran back to the tourist shop, back to my Lisa.

I didn't run fast enough. Jack and the others got there before I could get down to the Hub properly. Jack confronted me at the entrance. Told me the only way I could go down was if I was going to end this, one way or another. I told him to go to hell, that if anyone tried to stop me I'd kill them. But Jack cot my bluff. He said that if I didn't get rid of her that he'd get rid of us both. That I had ten minutes. Then he let me go.

I never intended to do anything. Until I say the pizza boxes. 'Damn.' I thought. I'd forgotten all about the damn takeout order! Suddenly I know that something will have to be done about this. I refuse to let Lisa take another innocent life. If she had done anything, I can't let her live. No more people will die because of us.

Lisa's room was a disaster. Blood was everywhere. And in the corner was Lisa. My Lisa. I ran to her. Cradling her head, I let myself cry, loosing myself. Lisa was dead. After everything that happened, after everything that has gone wrong today, she was finally free.

Except she wasn't.

The delivery girl; Lisa had put her brain into her head. She said that she had done it for me so that was could be together. I didn't believe her. I didn't want to believe her. My brain kept telling me to shoot her. Get it over with already! But my heart overruled me for a moment. I couldn't shoot.

I had to hug her. She wasn't Lisa, but yet she was. I heard her talking. Piecing together memories, trying to get me to sympathize with her. But I knew that it wasn't her. She wasn't my Lisa. My Lisa was dead.

I stood back and raised my gun at her. My hand's trembled. I knew what I had to do. I dreaded it, but I knew that it had to happen. One way or another. And then the shoots came from behind me.

I think that I blacked out after that. That's the only explanation that I can come up with. After a while I came to in Jack's office. I was tied to a chair in the middle of the room. No one else was there. I could hear the others cleaning up down below.

I thought I knew what to expect when Jack came in. I knew the rules. It was death or Retcon for me. I had committed treason to Lisa.

Instead, when Jack came in, he untied me and told me to go home. To go home and stay there until he came for me. I dares to look him in the eye. Disappointment and sadness was there. It confused me. It still confuses me.

Owen was the one to escort me out the the place. He didn't say one word to me. None of them did.


	2. Chapter 2

A/n: Please understand that these are unbeta'd chapters. And that as an American, I'm not that good at catching everything that needs to be Brit-ified (if that's a word?). Any and all comments are welcomed and appreciated. Chapters will be up after they get typed up.

Chapter 2

Jack was waiting for them them the next morning. Looking down on them from the conference room, he motioned them up, not saying a word.

He had told them the previous evening, as they were leaving, to get some sleep and be back at the Hub at 9am sharp for a debriefing. Not a minute early, not a minute late. Until then, he didn't want to see their faces. The tone of voice he used broke no room for argument.

So at 9am sharp, they were in the conference room, with coffee and danishes provided by Tosh. Waiting for Jack to speak. Waiting for him to lead them, to tell them what to do next.

"So, to recap." Jack started. "Torchwood London employee Ianto Jones escaped the carnage ot Canary Wharf with his cyber-enhanced girlfriend Lisa Hallet. Escaping to Cardiff, he conned his way into getting a job here, with us, in order to find a way to heal said girlfriend and keep her alive. Gaining our trust, he used that trust to smuggle her and her conversion unit into the rarely used sub-basement of the Hub behind our backs.

"And then yesterday happened. Jones was found out to be the traiter he is. Gwen was almost converted. And three lives were lost.

"Any questions?"

The silence in the room was deafening. No one wanted to be the one to voice the concern that they were all thinking.

"Three lives, Jack?" Owen asked quietly. "There were only two bodies down there last night."

"I found a third body, a doctor who specializes in cybernetics, in one of the storage rooms down there. He was a failed conversion."

"Jack," Gwen started, "What's going to happen now? What's going to happen to Ianto?"

"For know, cleaning up and returning everything back to where it belongs is the priority. I've already taken care of the cyberwoman and the conversion unit.

"As for Jones, what are your thoughts on what should be done?"

"Why ask us? You've probably already made up your mind." Owen muttered.

"I'm asking you because my mind isn't made up. Jones didn't just betray me. He betrayed all of you as well. I'm not making any desecion without your input. I refuse to make a decision that we all cannot live with."

"Jack, what exactly do the Torchwood guidelines say about something like this? Has this ever happened before?" Gwen asked.

"It's death or Retcon back to before Torchwood." It was Owen who answered. "Those are the punishments for committing treason against Torchwood. Which is what he technically did."

"We can't kill him Jack! That will just make us as bad as them!" Toshiko exploded. "He did this because he loved her, not because he hated us. It's not like sold secrets or told the whole world about us. He did this because he cares too much."

She turned to stare at Jack. "He deserves a second chance, Jack. He deserves to live with what he did and a chance to make up for it."

"So your choice is neither."

"Yes."

"Gwen, your thoughts?"

"Retcon. I honestly don't believe that he needs to die. You could tell that he loved her dearly and did what he did because of that love. But I don't think that I can trust him anymore. I don't think that I could work with him knowing what he did. I just don't trust him."

"Same with me." Owen said. "He needs to be punished, Jack. He didn't trust us and we can't trust him. Retcon the kid and send him packing. We don't need him here."

Jack stayed quiet while he thought over what they had said. Ha had stayed up most of the night trying to figure out what to do. He read Ianto's file, trying to figure out what was going through his head. Trying to decide if their was anything that could redeem him or anything that would explain why Ianto was doing this, where such loyalty had come from. Combining what he found with what he knew about how the others would react made the killing a non-issue. And after reading his medical files, neither was Retcon.

"Well, boys and girls, looks like we have a bit of a problem here. Since death is unacceptable to all of us and Retcon does not work on him, we need a third option." Glancing around at their stunned faces, he added, "Look at his medical files, Owen. Ianto is immune to B67."

"Which leaves us one other option. And I want you all to think about what I have to say very carefully. I want your opinions at the end because if we can't all live with it then I'll modify it until we do. But until then, please, do not interrupt me."

"Ianto Jones is to be suspended from work for the next four weeks. He is not to be seen within 50 feet of the Plass. Nor is he to be allowed to be seen anywhere near any of you without my prior approval. If you see him at all within the next four weeks you are to tell me immediately and I will deal with him. If you wish to see him or to speak to him you are to ask me first. I will let you know if that is possible. If you do speak to him, you are not allowed to say anything about work or what we are doing.

"During these weeks, I will be going to check up on him periodically. I'll be making sure that he's keeping up his end of the deal as well as keeping Torchwood's secrets. Let me make it clear here and now. This is his second chance. He won't be getting a third one. One slip and he's out of here.

"Things will need to change here as well. We've taken advantaged of the fact that Ianto was so willing to do anything and everything for us. That will need to end now. Everyone will need to help out with the filling and the clean-up. No more getting someone else to do your paper work. You will each be responsible for your own paper work and getting it files correctly. I will also be having more camera's put into place around the Hub. By the time I'm done, there will no longer be any space that isn't covered by the CCTV's.

"When Ianto comes back, he will be restricted by what he can and cannot do. Expect to do a lot of things for yourself for quite some time. Understood?" Jack looked around at his team as they nodded. "Now then, any comments?" When no one said anything, he dismissed them to start cleaning.

"Jack." Owen said, not moving from his chair.

Jack shot him a look, then went to close the door after the girls. "What Owen."

"No one is immune to Retcon. Why'd you lie?"

Jack sighed. He figured he was going to be questioned for that. 'At least he didn't ask while the others were in here.' He thought.

"Owen, what are the meds that Ianto takes for his bi-polar?"

"The usual. Lithium combined with an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety pill. There are a couple of others in their too, but those are the main ones. Why?"

And what is the chemical make-up of Lithium and how would that affect the chemical make-up of B67?"

Owen thought for a moment, before grabbing a piece of paper and writing out some figures. When he was finished, he looked at Jack. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Lithium and B67, when combined, creates a lethal poison. I refuse to kill him. He doesn't deserve that. But I can't ask him to quit his meds because of his history of being suicidal. Now do you understand?"

"Yeah, I get it. Do you want the reaction to Retcon to be put in his file?"

"Yes, please."

***

It was later on that day that when they started to come up to his office, one by one, to discuss what was going on. Gwen was first, wanting to know how to find something in the archives and weather or not Ianto would be able to to reorganize them again upon his return. Since Gwen knew Ianto the least, he wasn't surprised that she didn't see anything wrong with his punishment.

Owen was next. Jack listened as he went off on why, exactly, he should know about any other chemical reactions that Retcon might have with other known medications, which Jack gave him without thought. No reason to make the resident medic mad at him. Then he started on what Jack should look for when he went to see Ianto, of the warning signs that he was off his meds and not taking care of himself. Some of the things he said worried Jack.

Tosh came up to see him as the others started to get ready to leave for the night.

"Jack, do you have a moment?"

"For you, always." He said, smiling. "What can I do for you?"

"I would like to go and see Ianto, make sure that he's doing okay."

"Can I ask why?"

"I thought that he and I were friends. I just want o let him know that I'm here for him, that I still want to be friends with him.

"Have you gone to see him yet?" She asked, going off on a tangent.

"Not yet. I plan on speaking to him to him tonight." He said. "I wanted to let him have some time to think and grieve before I went to speak to him.

"Please don't be too harsh with him, Jack. He's been though a lot in a short amount of time since Canary Warf. He knows what he did was wrong, you could see that in his eyes last night."

"Tosh, please understand one thing. I will do what I have to in order to maintain the safety and security of all of us here. No more, no less. Ianto needs to understand that what he did will have consequences. And some of those consequences he might not like, but that they are necessary in order to regain my, our, trust back again. If he doesn't regain that trust, then he's not coming back. End of story."

"And how will he do that? How will he be able to regain your trust?"

"By following the rules. Doing what I tell him too. As long as he doesn't step out of line again, he'll be fine.

Tosh nodded. Getting up, she said. "So I can visit him right?"

"Wait until tomorrow morning. Let me speak to him first. And absolutely nothing about about work. Keep to about anything but work."

"Thanks, Jack." Smiling, she left.


	3. Chapter 3

A/n: And thus begins the decent. I really want to know what you all think about my portrayal of Ianto. Thanks to everyone who has added me to their alerts and to the two people who have reviewed. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

When Ianto opened the door for Jack, he was ready for this meeting. It had taken him an hour after he had gotten home the previous evening to calm down enough to think, really think, about what he had done to those he considered friends. About what he had done and what he had lost. Who he had betrayed and the consequences that could come from that betrayal.

While he thought, he cleaned. And he packed. He packed up Lisa's stuff, gathering it into piles of things to keep, to give away, and to throw. He also went through his own things, cleaning and tidying so that everything was in order. So that no matter what his punishment would be, everything would be in order for the clean-up. Ianto hated leaving loose ends.

But now Jack was here. Now he would have to face his punishment, no matter what that may be.

"Hello, Ianto." Jack said, coming into the sparse living room.

"Sir."

Jack turned and look, really looked, at the young man and frowned. Ianto, Jack found, could put up a good front when he had to. He figured that was how Ianto had been able to hide everything from the team for all this time. But now that front seemed to be slipping because Jack could see the exhaustion and grief in him. The way Ianto was dressed in jeans and an old jumper, the way he held himself, or lack there of. Jack wondered what was going on in that head of his.

"Sit down, Ianto. We need to talk." Jack gestured towards the only two chairs in the flat.

"I'm sorry, sir. About yesterday."

"What about yesterday are you sorry about?" Jack said, puzzled. He figured that Ianto would start yelling at him, not apologizing.

"For Lisa. For all of the destruction in the Hub. For everyone getting hurt."

'Ah,' thought Jack. 'Sorry for the end but not all the deception.'

"What about Lisa are you sorry for? The fact that you snuck her in behind our back or the fact that you tried to keep a monster, a killer, alive right underneath our noses? Or how about the fact that it did a very good job of trying to kill all of us?" Jack knew he was being harsh, but this had to be said.

Ianto wilted under the accusing stare. Jack could barely hear him when he did finally reply.

"I don't regret loving her enough to try to save her. I love her more than anything. I still do. She's the reason that I survived, why I'm still alive. But I regret what happened at the Hub. What happened to Gwen and the others."

Ianto looked up. "Sir, what's going to happen to me? I know what's standard procedure…."

"But I've never really followed standard procedures have I." Jack looked at Ianto. "I know what standard procedures say. I won't kill you. You haven't done anything to deserve that. Your loyalty to Lisa says a lot about you and your potential to have that same loyalty towards Torchwood. And to be honest, none of us can fault you for the reasons behind what you did. So I threw the whole 'killing for treason' idea out the window."

"So it's Retcon then."

"Ah, actually that's impossible, as you well know. I'm not taking a life tonight, Ianto. Instead, you will be put on suspension. Four weeks of unpaid leave. You will stay away from the Hub and the other employees. I've already told them they are not allowed to see or speak to you without my express permission. By the way, expect a visit from Toshiko tomorrow.

"If you expect to come back to work then you will have to regain my trust."

"What if I don't want to come back to work?"

Jack hardened his look. "Then you will be dealt with. You know too much. I can't have you loose with all that information in your head. But for now that isn't an option, understood? If, after six months you want to leave, then we will discuss this further.

"Now, for regaining my trust. I will be by every few days or so to talk. I don't like all the accusations you threw at me yesterday. Even if they did ring true. So I want to fix that, if we can."

"I hate you."

"I know. I can live with that. I'm not asking you to like me. All I'm asking you to do is to give me a reason to trust you. I'm not ready to give up on you yet."

"What if I want to give up?" Ianto's question startled Jack for a moment. "What if I can't think of a reason to go on?"

"Then we'll find you a reason to go on. Even if it's only your hatred of me and a thirst for revenge. I don't plan on giving up on you without a fight. You have too much potential for me to do that."

Ianto looked at him, doubt and confusion clouding his eyes. "I don't understand, Jack."

"That's okay. You don't need to understand. All you need to do is recover, follow the rules, and regain my trust. You can understand later."

"So." Ianto said after a moment. "What are the rules?"

"The rules are simple. Number one, stay away from the Hub. Number two, if you are visited by any other Torchwood employee, no work is to be discussed. Number three, you are not allowed to be in touch with the others with out my previous permission. And Number four, you are not allowed to leave Cardiff without letting me know about it first. As the month goes on, we'll modify or relax the rules as needed. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir"

"Good. Now, as I said, Tosh asked and received permission to visit you in the morning. So expect her sometime then. I'll come back tomorrow night so we can talk." Jack started to get up and walked towards the door. Pausing, he looked once more back to Ianto. "Don't give up, Ianto. You're worth more to us than you know. Fight for that. Live for that." He took one more look at Ianto, then left.

Ianto stayed where he was long after Jack left, thinking about what he had said. He couldn't quite grasp the thought that Jack said he had potential. Potential for what? Maybe as a traitor, but not much else. And why fight? There was no reason to fight for life. Death, maybe. At least then there would be peace. No more accusing looks, no more nightmares where everyone but him died. No more pills or sleepless nights. No more days where he had to hide the fact that he barely ate anything. He knew what he wanted at the moment. He had tried it in the past. Almost succeeded once. He could still feel the release he had felt at that moment.

Ianto shook his head and went to get the phone. He had promised Rhiannon that he would call her when he felt that urge again. He needed to call her. He needed to let her, let someone, know what was going on. Even if he couldn't tell them everything.

***

"Hello?"

"Rhi, it me."

"Ianto? Are you okay?"

"Is there any way you can come see me tomorrow?"

"Probably. Why?"

"I need to talk to someone."

"You're starting to worry me."

"Lisa died. I want to be with her."

There was silence for a moment. "I can be up there tonight if you need me."

"I should be fine tonight. I just need someone I can trust to talk to tomorrow."

"Are you sure? The urge isn't that strong?"

"I'm sure, Rhi. You know that I wouldn't lie to you."

"Alright. I'll be there in time for lunch."

"Thanks, sis."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry for such a long time between updates. And I'm starting to beg here. Please review?!?!? I'll take anything from a simple 'your crazy' to a 'what the hell are you on?' Oh, and you can blame Ianto for the confession at the end. I think he decided to hijack the plot sometime during this chapter. I hope to gain it back sometime.

Chapter 4

Tosh came over bright and early the next morning. She brought Ianto a coffee and a Danish, his favorite flavor even. She knew that it wouldn't heal all wounds, but she hoped that it would be a start.

Ianto let her in without a word, but smiled when she handed the two items over to him. Waving her to a seat, he went and grabbed a plate before joining her.

"Thanks, Tosh."

"You're welcome. It's been a while since I've been over. Still haven't gotten around to decorating the place, have you."

"No. Though I suppose now I have plenty of time to do that."

Tosh grinned. "Yep. I can help if you want. Spend all that money I know you have stashed away somewhere. We can buy out the furniture store to start out with."

Ianto looked down. "Never really did have a reason to spend any of it before. Only things I needed to pay were my bills for this place and my meds. And what I needed for Lisa." He added the last thought almost as though it came to him last minute.

Tosh leaned over and hugged him. "I wish I could take some of that pain away for you. No one should have to go through this alone. Not even you."

"But I am, Tosh. Lisa's dead. There is no one else."

"Don't be silly, Ianto. You have me. I'm not going to give up on you, no matter what you do or say. I'm you friend. Nothing is going to change that. And I know that your sister will always be by your side. Rhiannon is a strong girl. Let her take some of the pain. Lean on her if you won't lean on me."

"Rhi will be here for lunch. I called her after Jack left last night."

"Good."

"I called her because I wanted to end it last night."

Tosh sighed. "Is is because of what Jack said to you last night?"

"No. It's because I wanted to be with Lisa. Tosh, how am I supposed to go on without her? The only reason I didn't off myself after Canary Wharf was because I had to take care of her. Now that she's gone, who am I supposed to live for?"

Tosh grabbed his hand and held on tight. "You have to live for your self, Yan. You have to learn to live for your self."

Ianto thought long and hard about what Tosh said when she left. Living for himself. What did that mean? How could he live for himself? He had to have a reason to live. He had always had someone to look after, some one to rely on him. Now he had no one. Why couldn't they see that?

Ianto got up and started to clean his flat again. Cleaning and organizing had always helped him to stop thinking morbid thoughts. He knew that his friends and coworkers often thought that he was a bit OCD with his cleaning, but he didn't care. It was something that he could control. There was little else in his life that he could control.

***

When Rhiannon Davies walked into her brother's flat, she new that things were starting to get out of control. She could smell the cleaning chemicals from the carpet and could see the the polish on the dinning room table. It almost worried her more than the call she had received last night. She only hoped that he was only indulging in cleaning and nothing else.

"Ianto? You here?"

"Over here." He called. Rhi followed the voice over to the kitchen. Leaning over the counter, she found him cleaning the floor.

"Having fun?"

"Trying not to think."

"Fancy a break for lunch, then?"

Ianto glanced up. "As soon as I'm done here."

"Yan, you are done. I'm pretty sure that you were done the first time you made the floor shine. Now, come on. Let's get out of here and get something to eat."

"I'd rather stay here."

"Tough. Now get up and change into something decent. We're leaving."

Rhi lead them to a small diner about two blocks from his place. It was a small, hole in a wall sort of place where no one really cared about who was talking to whom or about what. The perfect place, she thought, to get Ianto to start talking.

She lead him to a booth in the back of the restaurant. She waited patiently while they ordered their food and drink. She just sat and let Ianto think about what he wanted to talk about. They were comfortable with this kind of silence. It was something they used to do as children, to see who would break down first and start talking.

Rhiannon was content, just this once, to wait as long as she needed to in order to let Ianto talk.

***

"Jack?" Tosh said, coming into his office. "Do you have a moment?"

"For you, always."

"I'm worried about Ianto. I think he wants to give up."

Jack frowned. "What makes you say that?

"The way he spoke, or, I guess, what he didn't say. The lack of emotion. They way he said that he had nothing to live for.

"Jack, I've never seen him that broken down. It was like his whole facade, his mask, was stripped form him. He's vulnerable, Jack. And I'm worried that he won't recover from this."

"Ianto is strong, Tosh. He had to in order to survive the battle in London. He just need time to pick up the pieces and move on. Give him time. He'll find his feet again."

"Do you honestly believe that, Jack?"

"If I didn't, I wouldn't have given him this second chance."

***

Rhiannon just sat and let her brother talk. He was hesitant at first, as though he was worried that someone might be listening in. As the afternoon went on, his voice became stronger and more animated.

He told her about Torchwood London and the battle at Canary Wharf. How he found Lisa and brought her to Cardiff. He told her thing that he had once vowed to never let his family find out about.

He was still talking when they left the diner to go back to his. He told her about Jack and the team at Torchwood Cardiff. About his friendship with Tosh, his flirtations with Jack. How he had betrayed Lisa and how he had betrayed Jack. How he was betraying him again by even talking about all of this with someone outside of Torchwood. About how tired he was of all the lies and deceit.

By the time he stopped talking he was exhausted, both mentally and physically. Rhi helped him into bed and smiled softly as he complained about being babied.

"Go to sleep, Ianto. You'll feel better in the morning."

"Jack said that he was going to visit tonight, " Ianto muttered. "Wake me when he gets here?"

"Don't worry, love. I'll take care of Jack."


	5. Chapter 5

a/n: First off, thank you to everyone who has added me to their alerts. It makes me feel good about this story that people are willing to follow it. Second, I know that Jack seems to be a bit OCC in this chapter. But since he and Rhiannon seemed to have hijacked this chapter and made it their own, I can't change him back. Thirdly, the next few chapters are going to get a bit dark. If any one has any questions or thoughts about what Ianto is going through, feel free to pm me. I'll be glad to explain my reasoning behind it. You have been warned.

Enjoy!

Chapter 5

It was nearing eight when Jack was finally able to go over to Ianto's flat. The day had been a long one and he was tired. But he had told Ianto that he would be by and he intended to to keep his word to the young man. He didn't, however, expect a young woman to answer the door.

"Um, hello. I'm here to see Ianto."

"Are you Jack Harkness?"

"Yes, and you are?" He wanted to know how she knew his name and who the hell she was.

"Rhiannon Davies, Ianto's sister. I'm sorry, but you won't be able to see my brother tonight."

"Oh? And why is that?" Now, he was starting to not only worry about the young man, but he was starting to get angry. Who did this woman think she was?

"He's asleep. He's exhausted and needs to sleep while he can. If you wake him now it'll take him hours to get back to sleep again. And since I doubt he slept at all within the last few days, you'll only wake him over my dead body."

He glared at her. "That can be arranged." He muttered, trying to get past the doorway. She held her ground, not letting him past.

"Besides," She said. "We need to talk."

She lead him out the building and over to a little park that was down the road a bit. The park was practically abandoned at this time at night, with only a few joggers and couples out and about. She lead him over to a bench that was off the main path, partially hidden from view by a willow tree.

While following, Jack studied her. Solidly built, like Ianto, with an athletic look. Dark hair and eyes, dressed casually in jeans and a jumper. She looked a lot like him, he thought. Even down to the ever present haunted look in her eyes. 'As though she's seen too much.'

He'd always assumed that look in Ianto's eyes came from witnessing the battle at Canary Wharf. Now he started to wonder what else he didn't know about Ianto's life.

There was something about her, though, that intrigued him. She carried herself as though she was used to being followed, to being in control. It was for this reason that he let himself be lead to the bench, where they sat down, hidden from the world. He let his curiosity get the better of him.

"First off," Rhiannon said. "Ianto doesn't know that I'm talking to you. In fact, he told me as he was falling asleep to wake him when you arrived. I don't think that he wanted me talking to you at all, in fact."

"Then why didn't you wake him?"

Rhiannon ignored him. "Ianto is afraid of you, you know. He thinks for some reason that he's betrayed you and his co-workers and that no matter what he does he'll continue to disappoint you all. He's scared and worried about what will happen the next time he disappoints you. Of what you will do to him when that happens. He's even more scared of what he'll do to himself the next time he can't live up to that potential that you say he has."

Rhi turned so that she was looking at him. "You need to understand something about my brother. The control that he portrays, that he shows, is only a mask. A costume, if you will, that he puts on when ever he leaves his flat. He feels better knowing that no one know how much pain he's in, how much he is hurting on the inside. And after what just happened to Lisa.... He's broken Jack. He'll do his best to continue putting up his mask for you and his friends, but his ability to put up that front is damaged. Sooner or later it is going to crumble. And when he does, the fallout is going to be big."

Jack began to get frustrated. "I know all this already. Why do you think that I'm forcing him to take this time off. His mask fell the night...." Jake shook his head. "What the hell does this have to do with anything any ways?"

"He respects you, Jack. He respects what you think of him and he really does regret everything that has been going on recently."

He snorted. "Really."

"Yes, Really. Jack, he told me the truth about Lisa. About where he works. About what he did to his co-workers. To you."

Now he was getting mad. "He what?"

"I didn't give him much of a choice. He's never been able to hide himself from me. I won't let him. Not any more, any ways."

"What do you mean, not any more."

She sighed. "After the battle in London, with those ghosts, Ianto had a bad time. He did what he was supposed to and went to his therapist to talk. His therapist thought that he was going crazy, that his meds stopped working. Tried to get him committed. Every since then, I've become the only one that he's willing to confine in. The only one he's willing to trust with his life."

***

"Tosh, sweetie, do you have a moment?" Gwen asked as they were leaving the hub that night.

"Sure, Gwen. What's up?"

"I was wondering if you could tell me how Ianto is doing?"

"What makes you think that I would know anything? Especially since Jack told us to stay away from him?"

"I know that you two are friends. And I've seen you up in Jack's office, talking. It doesn't take a genius to know that you know something."

Tosh sighed. She really hadn't wanted to get into this with anyone, especially Gwen. She was too new to the team to really have known any of them all that well.

"Yes, Ianto and I are friends. And as his friend, the only thing I can say at this time is that he is doing as good as expected. Anything else really isn't any of your business."

"But you can tell Jack?"

Tosh turned to look at her. "Jack is our boss. Its his business to know what is going on. And he truly cares about going on because he was there, at Canary Wharf, when the Cybermen and Daleks tried to take over the world. He knows what Ianto went through. And you don't."

Gwen watched Tosh turn and leave. For the first time, she began to wonder what really happened in London that day.

***

"Ianto really shouldn't have confided in you like that."

"I know, and so does he. He told me that he was betraying you again by confiding in me. But he had no where else to go, no one else to turn to. He had to talk to some one. He couldn't keep up with the secrets any more." She paused and looked around the park they were in. She wondered, when they got done talking, if she would even remember being here. If she would remember anything. She sighed. 'In for a penny, in for a pound.' She thought.

"I'm someone safe for Ianto to break down too, Jack. I won't betray him nor judge him. Please, Jack, let me be that someone that my brother can lean on, that he can trust."

Jack was quiet for along time after that. Rhi just sat beside him, willing to wait for him. She needed him to agree, to let her be there for her brother, if her plan to save him was going to work.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry for the long wait and short chapter. I've been busy with life, unfortunately. As always, this is unbeta'd. Enjoy!

Chapter 6

When Ianto woke the next morning, her knew that something was wrong. He took a few minutes to try to remember what he had apparently forgotten, but in the end just dropped it. His head was starting to ache and all he wanted was something to help him to forget the nightmares that had awoken him in the first place. Sighing, he got out of bed and headed for the kitchen.

"Here." Rhi growled as she placed a plate of eggs and toast in front of him. He could tell she hadn't had enough coffee in her system yet. "Eat this and take your meds."

"Not hungry." He said, pushing the plate away. He did take the meds with the cup of orange juice she had also placed on the table.

Rhi frowned. "You need to eat, love. You haven't eaten since lunch yesterday. And even then you didn't eat very much."

"I'm not hungry, Rhi. Just leave it, okay?"

She frowned. She had already figured out that he hadn't been taking his meds consistently over the last few days. His pill container showed that he seemed to only be taking them infrequently, when at all. That wasn't good, but adding in loss of appetite made it worse. This just made her resolve to stay and help him even more stronger.

"I called Johnnie last night."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I told him that I was going to stay and help you out for a few days. Said that you lost your girlfriend to an accident and that I was staying until your grief died down a bit."

"You don't have to stay. I can look after myself. You can go back to Johnnie and the kids." He refused to look at her.

"I'm staying, Ianto. I'm going to help you get on with your life and to get back on schedule with your medications and to start eating properly again. You need someone to watch over you."

"I don't want to get on with my life. I don't need someone to look after me like I'm some child. All I want is Lisa. All I need is Lisa!" Ianto got up a practically ran back to his room, slamming the door after him.

When Rhiannon went to check on him a few minutes later, she heard him sobbing.

It was growing dark by the time Ianto finally came out of his room. He found Rhiannon in the living room, sprawled out on his couch, asleep. Gabbing a blanket, he covered her and kissed her check. "I'm sorry, Rhi. And your right." He whispered.

He went into the kitchen to get something to eat, but detoured when he saw his pill container laying in the counter. Beside it was a note.

Ianto,

If you wake before I, please remember to take your medicine and eat something. I'm starting to get worried that your not eating again. Please don't go back down that road. I worry enough about you as it is.

Also, your boss Jack called. I told him that you were asleep and that I could wake you, but he said no. He would like you to call him when you wake back up. He seems to be worried about you, second night in a row that you weren't awake when he came over. I told him that I would have you call him when you woke.

You know that I love you, right? You're my brother and I would do anything for you. Please remember that.

~Rhi

Ianto grinned as he read the note. Good old, Rhi. Trying to take care of him the best way she knew how. He glanced back over to where she was resting. He loved the fact that she was willing to help him, willing to believe him. She had saved his life more often than he could count.

He got down some bread and made some toast to eat with his meds. He wasn't hungry, not really, but he knew that if he ate, he had a better chance of keeping his meds down and not throw them back up. Grabbing his phone at the same time, he took everything over the the table.

Looking at Rhi's note one more time, he dialed Jack's mobile. 'Second night in a row, damn it,' Ianto thought. He didn't like the thought of what would happen to him if he didn't live up to his end of the suspension.

As he was waiting for Jack to pick up, though, one line in his sister's note seemed to scream out to him: 'second night in a row you weren't awake **when he came by**'.

'Oh, shit', he thought. 'Please don't let that mean what I think that means.'


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Well, this is fast. My muse decided I needed to write this up tonight, no if, ands, or buts. Go thing I go into work late tonight. Anyways, I'm thinking of getting a beta. Anyone interested?

Chapter 7

"Hello?"

"Hi, Jack"

"Awake finally?" Jack said softly.

"Yeah. Sorry about last night."

"It's alright. Your sister said that you need the sleep."

"So you did meet Rhiannon. I'm surprised she's still here with memories intact."

"Yea, well, your sister can be very persuasive. She not a barrister by trade, is she?"

Ianto laughed. "No, she's just a home mother."

"Well, I think that she missed her calling in life. She laid out a very convincing argument as to why she shouldn't lose her memory and why I shouldn't be mad at you for telling her things that she shouldn't know." When Ianto didn't say anything, he continued. "Look, we need to talk. In person. I'll be over in a few minutes."

"Alright."

* * *

When Jack reached Ianto's flat, he was surprised to find Ianto's sister still at the place, but kept quiet. Ianto led him to the kitchen.

"Coffee, sir?"

"Yes, please. I see that you sister is still here."

"Yes, sir. She won't leave until she's satisfied that I'm either taking my pills on a regular basis or that I'm eating on a daily basis." He gave Jack his coffee and sat down at the table with him.

Jack drank his drink, giving a small smile. "We've missed your coffee. Starbucks and Costco are doing a brisk trade with Torchwood because of you being gone."

"I'm surprised that no one has tried to get the coffee machine to work."

Jack laughed. "We want you back, Ianto. We're not touching your machine, we know better than that. None of us want to be put on decaf because it got broken while you were gone." He turned to look at Ianto, his face becoming serious. "We do need to talk about what is going on, why you felt the need to tell highly classified information to your sister. And I need some answers as to why she said some of the things she did."

* * *

Rhiannon woke slowly, taking her time to adjust to the darkened room and a quiet flat. She could have sworn that she had left the tv on as she was falling asleep. Looking around, she frowned as she realized that she could hear voices coming from the kitchen. Recognizing the voices, she stepped over to the door to listen. She knew she shouldn't, Ianto would yell at her if he ever found out, but she had to know what was going on. She had to know that everything was going to turn out ok.

* * *

"Ianto, I need to know why you told your sister about Torchwood."

"Why? What difference would it make? Your just going to end up retconing her anyways."

"Not if I don't have to. I can tell that she's helping you, that she's doing something right to make you feel better about yourself, about what you did. Let me in, tell me whats going on inside your head."

"She's everything to me, Jack. She keeps me sane. After our mother...died, our father grew distant. She kept our family together, as best she could. At least until left when I was sixteen. But the damage had already been done. Da and I don't talk, haven't talked since the day I left. Rhiannon is the only family I have left. I trust her with my life; she's saved my life so many times."

"Do you think that she can be trusted to keep everything you told her a secret? From her husband, her kids, her friends?"

"Yes."

"Then, for know, I'll leave her be. I will be monitoring her communications for a few months, just be on the safe side, understand?"

"Yes, sir. I'll tell her."

"Good. Now, as your friend, I want you to know that I'm glad your sister is here for you. You already look ten times better than when I saw you last."

Ianto snorted. "I'm not your friend."

"I'd like to think that you are mine."

Ianto got up and went into the kitchen. Grabbing a bottle of liquor, he poured himself a measure. "I threaten to kill you and your think I'm your friend." He drank his glass and poured himself another. "Just what, exactly, gave you the idea that I would want to be your friend after everything that just happened?"

"Ianto?" Rhiannon said, walking inside the room.

"Go to hell, Rhi," he said, downing another glass.

"Hello, Rhiannon," Jack said. "How long have you been listening to us?"

"Long enough," she said, walking up to her brother. Taking the bottle of liquor from him, she poured it down the sink. Ignoring his look, she said, "I'm not going to interfere with the business between the two of you. It has nothing to do with me, I know that. And I'm willing to accept any surveillance that is needed in order to help you, Ianto." She took the bottle of beer from his hand. "But this isn't the answer to your problems," and turning to Jack, "and you need to stop beating around the bush. Now, I am going to go out and do some shopping so you can talk with out me around."

"No."

She turned back around to face her brother. "What do you mean, no?"

"No. You are not my mother, you do not tell me what to do."

"Of course not! Ianto, I'd just thought you and your boss might want to be alone to talk, that's all."

"Bullocks."

"Ianto, your sister is only trying to help." Jack placed his hand in Ianto's shoulder. Ianto shrugged him off.

"I don't want any help! I don't want to be fucking alive! I should be dead! Dead like Lisa, dead like our mam!" He pushed them away, heading for the door.

"Ianto, wait! Don't go!." His sister said, going after him.

"Ianto, calm down. Don't do something stupid."

"You mean like what I did last week? Don't worry, sir, I'm not going to try to kill anyone else."

"Ianto, please don't go." Rhiannon said, grabbing his arm.

"Fuck off, Rhi," he said, opening the door. "Go to hell and take Jack with you," Slamming the door behind him.

Jack turned and look at Rhiannon. "What the hell just happened?"

Rhi sighed. "Jack, meet Ianto when he hasn't been taking his pills correctly. One minute he's fine, the next, well, you just saw what happens next."

* * *

"Owen?"

"What ya want, Gwen?"

"I was wondering if you could help me find some information on the Battle at Canary Wolf?"

Owen looked up from the autopsy he was doing. "Why can't you ask Tosh?"

"She left already, and I don't think that she likes me all that much at the moment."

"Reverting back to the school yard, are we? What ya do to get her mad?"

"I asked about Ianto. I know that they are friends, so I'd thought I'd ask how he was. I probably shouldn't have push the issue."

"No, you shouldn't of."

"But the thing is, none of you talk about what happened so I don't know what happened. And when I look through the database to get information on it, I find that I don't have access to it. I need to understand what is going on, Owen. Can you please just grant me access to even the basics of the file?"

Owen took off his gloves and came over to her workstation. Putting is his access codes, he brought up the files. "Only the basics, mind. If you want more than that, you'll have to talk to Jack. There's a reason why this information is restricted."

"I know. Thanks, Owen."

* * *

Tosh wasn't quite asleep yet when the doorbell rang at 1am. Work for Torchwood meant that she slept lightly, waking at the slightest of sounds. She wasn't amused that it was the door, though. She was more used to the phone waking her. She was even less amused when she saw who was on the other side of the door.

"Ianto? What are you doing here?"

"I need some help, Tosh." Ianto kept his head down, but Tosh could still see the signs that he had been drinking, and crying.

Letting him in, she lead him over to her couch. "Tell me what's wrong, love. What ever happened can't be as bad as you think it is."

"I ran out on Jack tonight. He had come over to talk about stuff."

"What happened? Did he say something to upset you?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I'm so confused, Tosh. And now I think I just made things worse for everyone."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

By the time morning rolled around, without hearing from Ianto, Rhiannon was going crazy with fear. It was all she could to not go out and search for him or, worse, calling up the area A&E's to see if someone matching his description had been found hurt overnight. The fact that Jack, who had stayed to see if Ianto would show up, was hardly concerned for his welfare just made her more on edge. When, around 8am, Jack made a comment as to how Ianto must really have a death wish, Rhiannon just lashed out, not caring who it was she was lashing out to.

"How dare you."

"Excuse me?"

"How dare you give so little regard towards my brother. Don't you understand, yet, that he does have a death wish? That at this very time, he could be hurt, or dead. Because he is not here, at this moment, I am left to wonder all of that. This would not be the first time time he has stormed off and tried to kill himself."

"Then perhaps he should be dead."

SLAP

"Get out."

"I'm Sorry?"

"I said, get out. You are no longer welcome here. And since I own the place, not Ianto, I'm telling you to get out. Now."

Jack took one one more look at her, before turning towards the door. "Fine. Tell Ianto to call me when he finally decides to show up."

"I'm here. Do I still have to call you?" Ianto said from the door way, Tosh standing quietly behind him.

Jack took a long look at Ianto. Ianto looked liked shit. He had red-rimmed eyes, disheveled hair, and it looked as though he hadn't slept all night. He looked at Tosh and raised his eyebrow is question. At her slight shake, he nodded.

"Good, your home. Your sister's been worried. Tosh, lets go," he said, passing through the door. Turning back, he said, "I expect you to be home when I call tonight, Ianto. No more disappearing acts."

"Yes, Sir."

##

"Ianto, love, what happened last night," Rhiannon asked after Ianto woke up later that day.

"I remembered what day it was."

"What day is that?"

"I know its only been two years, but it still hurts, thinking about it. And this is the first year without Lisa to help me coup with it."

"Ianto, what are you talking about?"

"The battle of Canary Wharf."

"Have you talked to Jack about this?"

Ianto laughed. "Oh, Rhi, I needed that." He waved off her concerned look. "You don't understand. See, Jack never has been concerned with Torchwood One. He could care less about us survivors, about what we go through every year. The only reason I got a job with him was because I looked good in a suit, he loved my coffee, and I got him a pet petrodon. He refused to hire me at first because of the fact that I worked at One."

"But surely they would observe the anniversary of its downfall, or at least let you observe it. I mean, he must have some kind of decency."

"He has his own sense of honor, yes. And last year he was decent enough to let me have the day off when I asked, but..."

"But what?"

"It felt like I was a charity case. And he did nothing to stop Suzie and Owen from making quacks at me for weeks after. It was only because of Lisa that I was able to get through the anniversary without hurting myself."

##

Tosh walked up to Jack's office after Owen and Gwen left for the day. She knew that Jack had questions for her, about what happened last night. She only hoped that he would accept the answers, even the one's that he didn't like.

"You wanted to see me, Jack?" She said, walking into the room.

"Yes. Have a seat Tosh," he said, moving the papers on his desk aside. Finally, he looked up at her. "So mind telling me how you ended up bring Ianto home this morning?"

"He came over to my place last night. He was in a really bad place, Jack. I don't know what you two were talking about last night when he fled," she held up a hand to him,"and I know that it isn't my place to know, but what ever it was hurt him. Deeply."

"So he didn't say anything about what happened?

"He said a lot of things, in between bouts of crying and near hysteria. I was able to calm him, eventually. And I'm not really sure what, if any, of his mutterings were true or not." She sighed, debated with herself, then looked up. "There was one thing he said that has me deeply concerned. He said that his life meant nothing, that without something to look after, his life wasn't worth living."

Jack sighed. "I was afraid of that."

"You don't think that he's a risk, do you?"

"To Torchwood? No. His loyalty is his one fault, and right now his loyalty to Torchwood is all he has. To himself? Yes. I took a look at his medical records. If his sister wasn't staying with him, I'd put him on a suicide watch."

"That bad?"

"Yes. Hopefully, the worst is over and he will start to get better. I would hate to lose someone like him just because he killed himself."

"Jack," Tosh said, hesitantly, "have you thought about lessening the restriction on us going to see him? He seems like he needs his friends around and I don't think that includes you at the moment."


End file.
